Emma's sign language

Dear Emma,
Mommy and Daddy are slowly learning your language - sign language that is. Your favorite sign? I’m hungry, FEED me. You sign this by doing a scooping motion to your chest with both hands, like we’d do when trying to say “GIMME GIMME”. But since it’s possible you’re just flailing your arms, we don’t move quite yet. Then you stick out your tongue a little in between some persistent cries of “ah-HEH, ah-HEH, AH-HEH!” and we finally get the picture. When we’re really dense, you turn your head all the way to the left or to the right with your mouth open, demonstrating “See? If you cradle hold me, milk should go in my mouth like this. Now FEED me!”

Your pee, poop, and spit up signals are still a little mixed up for us. So far we’re doing a process of elimination for these. If you aren’t hungry and your diaper is clean, then you’re fussy because you’ve got gas and something’s gonna come out one end or the other... maybe both. Your mouth will turn into an O, sometimes you’ll have a look of concentration, and sometimes you just cry in frustration. But recently you’ve begun to cover your mouth lady like before you spit up, so I get about a second to grab a towel to clean you up and save my clothes.

Since your signals in regards to diaper changing (your daddy’s job) are still a little mixed up, Daddy decided to teach you his system: raise your hand if you gotta go pee. He’s very proud of you because not long after he told you this you raised your hand and promptly went. Later, you raised both hands. “Two hands? What does.... OH! I get it. Good job, Emma.” Daddy said.

Emma's arrival

Dear Emma,
Welcome to the world and welcome to our family! It comforts me to know that no matter how life turns out, you were born to the world with our love and given the utmost care that we could provide. You are blessed with welcome from our extended family and friends around the world whom have been waiting for your arrival with great anticipation. You’ve brought joy to us and I expect that life for us will only get better.

Your birth was not a smooth one. You were a second away from needing to be C-sectioned out. It was as if you had planned to arrive exactly on your due date, perhaps to meet this Santa person who gives presents, but then at the last minute decided against it (did you find out about the naughty or nice list?) and dug your heels in. Right before it was time to for me to push, your back was to the side and you were refusing to turn over, slipping back into your spot despite our efforts. After 15 hours of labor, the last 5 hours were you digging in your heels, you finally arrived. You were 4kg exact (8.8 lbs), 53cm (20.8 in), and a head circumference of 36.5 cm (14.4 in). To put that in perspective, you're in the top 10th percentile of female babies in terms of weight and height, but your head size is in the top 5th percentile. I most likely will constantly remind you of this and claim that you owe me, but really I just hope for you to remember that we worked hard to have you in our life and wish for you to live it to the fullest.

People say that you look like daddy, but I think you look like me. Your full head of hair is definitely from me, but your hair style is daddy’s. Your eyes are mine, and maybe nose too. Your mouth is daddy’s, but we’re not sure who you get your non-eyebrows from. When I try to claim that you got my chin, daddy asks which one? (double-chin entendre) Regardless of who you look like, you’ve got personality of your own that we adore.

Baby Mike Emma vs Daddy

Baby Helen Emma vs Mommy

Emma got attitude
Emma 1 Emma 2 Emma 3

How I decided to become a mom

I wrote this a while ago... had technical difficulties (Chinese firewall).

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Baby Shyu’s got approximately 7 weeks to go. I guess it’s time to start thinking about the end of pregnancy and the beginning of motherhood. As much as I know how it’s supposed to go, it’s still something that no one can control and who knows how things will turn out. As with most things in life, all I can do is do my best and just accept whatever may come.

I guess you can say that I’ve been preparing myself for motherhood for almost 2 years. When Mike and I got married (4.5 years ago) I knew that I’d be a mother one day but didn’t have the confidence for it just yet. Just trying to have it all: a happy husband, a bonded family, a fulfilling career, a dream home, a social life, a solid financial future, physical fitness and health, and all other aspirations for charity work or helping the environment... was already overwhelming me. I think I got a good start on all of that with a lot of help and support from Mike, but I also wondered how long I could keep all of that up once you add a baby into the equation. People say that you’ll just deal with everything day by day when the baby comes, so just do it and you’ll be fine. Mike’s one of those people. Me, I’m not so confident. I gotta KNOW as much as I can until there’s nothing else to learn except from doing it.

I also had a hard time figuring out life when we first got to China. Of course the language, culture, and getting around part of life were the least of MY difficulties, unlike others that come to China. Looking back I see that I wasn’t satisfied with a lot of things in our new life. My confidence in my abilities took a hit when I started working with Mike in his office. Mike and I always agree on our goals and what should be the ultimate result, but how we approach things is so very different. I couldn’t complete a lot of tasks as well as I should have because his approach felt so alien to me and I couldn’t help resisting and feeling resentful. Outside of work was tough too. I dislike confrontation, so having to bargain for every thing every time I go shopping and not finding familiar brands when I shop was such a drain on my spirits. So all in all, even though starting a family was on our agenda for life in China, I wasn’t confident enough to do it. I just felt that I couldn’t accomplish anything and that everything little thing although simple was so overwhelming.

It wasn’t until one night Mike confronted me about how I spend my time wasting away and not doing anything productive since we got to China. Mike was up to his eyebrows in his work and trying so hard to push things along and make things happen. Where as I literally could do anything I want but after months and months I still had nothing to show for my time in China. Get an Engineering job? Teach English? Take classes? Do creative writing? Really, anything. It took some time for me to realize why I didn’t want to do any of that. They were not the main drive for me to come to China. The reasons for me to come to China were so that Mike could reach a new level in his career and that it was financially possible for us to start a family.

Well then... what are we waiting for? Ehh... I dunno if I’m ready. Mike asks me why not? What am I not sure about? Well... how do I know if I’m going to be a good mom? What if a baby is more than I can handle? I’ve never been around babies, so they just seem so alien to me. What am I gonna do when the baby cries? Where am I gonna find stuff to buy for the baby? Is this the right environment for our baby? etc etc. Mike in his typical fashion dispelled all my doubts with a few words of humor and faith. It doesn’t really matter what he said, but what I thought of after he said it. I have faith in Mike. I have faith that with him, we can make things work. I’ve seen how he is with children and I’m confident that he’ll be a good father. So even if I screw up and I’m not the best mom ever, I’m sure the kid will turn out fine because Mike will be a good father. Wasn’t that one of the reasons I married him? How could I not love a mini Mike? Or two or three? And that should be reason enough for me to be a mom.

And so, I was ready to have our child. I was ready to become a mom. And even with all that we’ve been through with Daniel, I didn’t give up on becoming a mom. Maybe because of Daniel, I wanted to become a mom even more. Life would suck if I didn’t get that happy ending, where I get to hold our child in my arms after birth and hear that first cry. That’s what we couldn’t have with Daniel. That’s the moment I look forward to these days, and why I won’t complain too much as my back aches and my skin stretches from being pregnant. I want my happy ending of pregnancy and the beautiful start for becoming a mom.

Feed the baby

So I read that I should have gained 15 lbs (7kg) by now, but I've only gained around 10 lbs (4.5kg). In order to gain healthy weight, my life these days is revolved around food. I eat 5 times a day: breakfast, lunch, tea time, dinner, and pre-midnight snack. I pretty much don't leave the house unless it's to buy food, eat food, or meet people over food. I'm eating something every 2~3 hours.

Lately what I've been eating is as follows:

Breakfast: Milk shake, or fried egg w/toast, or cereal w/milk, or oatmeal, or pastry, or 5 silver dollar pancakes with real maple syrup (Thanks to Larke for the mix and syrup!).

Lunch: Pasta w/IKEA meatballs or w/chicken, or a burger or two (chicken or fish), or a chicken sandwich, or a chicken burrito, or tofu soup with veges.

Tea Time: Fruit, or milk and cookies, or ice cream, or pastry, or leftover lunch.

Dinner: Home cooked Chinese meal, KFC chicken bucket, Mexican, or Japanese.

Pre-midnight snack: Fruit or leftover dinner.

That's just the healthy stuff. I'm sure I've sneaked cookies, chips, gummy bears, cakes, bakery goods and other junk into this diet every so often.

My life is so about food, that half the content in my purse is food. My purse carries a rotation of gummy bears, chips, cookies, and granola bars. I carry around a lock-and-lock tupperware so that I can carry around food or bag leftovers to bring home. I even bag up the food that our friends at the table didn't finish. I have no shame. I gotta feed this baby somehow.

My time online has been about food too. I'm browsing online sites that deliver food and cash on delivery. I'm trying them out to see how good their service is and how good their products are. I haven't found one site or physical store that offers all that I need yet, which makes shopping so fustrating. I'm not even talking about price comparing, they just flat out don't offer all the products. I hope to find everything I need delivered to me one way or another as I will be getting too big to get around soon.

Smoke and dreams

I understand smokers have rights too, but when you and I share a restaurant/café/indoor space would you please refrain from lighting it up? It’s one thing for you to smoke after your meal, but another for you to light up the cig just to have it burn between your fingers and never touch your lips again. Can I interest you in a candle? It does exactly what you’re doing with that cig and is much better for our health. Baby and I will buy you a pack of candles if you don’t light up that cig. 

Doesn't China have regulations against smoking indoors you ask? Actually, I think it does. I just read on WSJ about some people getting detained for a few days after refusing to put out their smoke in shopping markets. "...China’s new fire-control regulations came into effect May 1. Under the regulations, anyone who smokes or lights an open flame in a hazardous situation can be subject to up to five days detention."

The life of "just us two" will be coming to an end, and we’re starting to plan for the exciting life of three. Mike’s jet setting life of Asian Frisbee Tournaments might be put on halt until baby’s ready to join us. (Hope this one travels well. Do they make baby Frisbee gear? Hear that fiveultimate? Hint hint.) Our third bedroom/walk-in-closet/poker room is now cleared of table and chairs, clothes shifted to our bedroom closets to make room for baby's stuff, and soon I'm gonna decorate the walls to turn it into a nursery. We sat in the future nursery at night and talked about where the crib should go, whether or not we want to leave the shaggy green rug where it is, where my Ikea Poing chair for nursing will go, and what other furniture baby will need. It's a nice feeling, having something to look forward to, to dream about.

Now that the table and chairs are removed, the room looks a lot bigger than I had thought. Looks like baby will have a good amount of floor to drool, crawl, and play on. We’ll see if I can keep the toys in there with baby instead of all over the living/dining room. There is certainly enough shelves along the wall to keep the potential Barbie/GI Joe/Elmo/Pooh etc. toy stuff displayed. Theme? No theme yet. 

Pregnant in China

Today’s the first time someone gave up the seat to me on public transportation. I had deliberately missed one train on the subway so that I could be first in line for the next train and grab an available seat. My destination was at least 40 minutes away and I didn’t want to spend it standing up. There was only one seat available in the car that arrived and it was almost mine. Two teenaged girls got to it the same time as I did and one of them took it. I had a second of annoyance on my face before the lady sitting next to her took a glance at my belly and my standard pregnant woman apron dress, widened her eyes, and got up to let me sit. The second teenage girl almost sat down in the seat but I didn’t hesitate this time and squeezed into the seat as I said thank you to the lady that stood up. I guess this instance was proof of good and bad manners of people in Beijing.

Today’s also the first time I bought baby clothes! There’s a boutique by my house that is having an end-of-lease sale, so I got a green with yellow polkadots onesie and a yellow sweater for baby. SO CUTE! Both 100% cotton and although made in China they are “export quality”. They didn’t shrink after the first wash, so all is good. Although my heart wishes to buy baby organic cotton brand name clothes, building a whole wardrobe with it doesn’t seem frugal nor practical. I read that some study out there took a sample of children clothes in China and found that a majority of them have some residue of pesticides or whatever chemicals, so I have to be very careful about whom I buy from and always wash before use. This boutique owner is very knowledgeable about where her stock comes from and the quality of the products. That’s as good of an assurance as I’ll get for now in China.

Baby musings

I read somewhere that pregnant women with frequent heartburn have babies with a full head of hair. If that’s true, then this one’s gonna be a Wookiee. (Here’s where Mike chimes in and says “just like her mama!”)

Baby Shyu’s wriggling in the tummy has turned into sharper pokes and kicks. Mike’s waiting for the day that he can feel it too. The “was that baby or a random cramp” has turned into a “was that a poke or a kick” question. She goes quiet whenever Mike places his hands on my belly though, as if playing a game of hide and seek. I think it'll be a few weeks before baby can play patty cake.

Currently baby weighs about a pound and is little longer than 8 inches, or so they say. She’s starting to grow her fat and muscles, possibly doubling her weight in the next month. It will be scary if my weight doubles as well! Ha. The skin around my belly feels tight as if it’s about to burst and split sometimes, but a good belly rubbing makes me feel a lot better. My belly button has started to change too. Mike's waiting for it to pop out. He says it'll be my third nipple. Oi.