A Cause For Celebration

Bliss:
It started out as any other week but this week was going to be special. We were going to find out the sex of our baby, we've reached the 20th week of pregnancy (the 1/2 way mark), moon festival BBQ/party and we were going to attend a close friends wedding! All of which spanned 4 major cities in 3 different countries. We were very stoked!

Routine Check-up:
Monday 09.15.2008
So it began Monday morning and it was beautiful morning. Clear blue skies and fresh air, all of which are quite rare in Beijing. After breakfast and a quick blog post, we headed to Beijing United Family Hospital, for our check-up at 10:00. Once we got to the hospital, we did our ultra sound first so we can say "hi" to the little baby and see if we should call it a he or a she. When we saw pictures of the ultra sound, we got the feeling that something wasn’t right. This was later confirmed with the technician's expressions and was re-enforced when our doctor (Let’s call her Dr S.) had to come down to look for herself. We were wondering what happened between now and the last check up no more that 4 weeks ago.

After the ultra-sound we headed upstairs to talk with Dr. S. At which point she laid it on the table for us: 1) Lack of Amniotic Fluid and 2) Unknown cyst in baby's abdomen. She suggested that we seek a 2nd opinion at a facility, outside the mainland, that specializes in maternal fetal medicine (MFM). She referred us to a doctor in HK. Dr S. explained, in China when there is an abnormality detected the normal recourse is termination. It makes sense, because if you are only allowed to have one kid.

Logistics 101:
We started to see what we could do to make it work. It was a toss up between Vancouver and Hong Kong (HK). We were thinking Vancouver because we had already purchased tickets to Seattle, which put us through there or HK because Dr. S. recommended a specialist there.

We reached out to the doctor in HK first, but since it was a holiday in China, he could not be found. We tried to book the appointment through the hospital he works for in HK, but they could not give us an appointment over the phone. We would have to wait for the next morning before the doctor could possibly respond.

Vancouver seemed to have many MFM doctors and mostly congregated in one hospital close to the airport, but their fetal medicine clinic wouldn’t be open to take appointments until midnight in Beijing.

We started to think about Taiwan as well. It's about the same as distance to HK, our family was there and we knew a few people at NTUH (National Taiwan University Hospital). We started to look for some numbers of our relatives but we didn't have any on us. We sent out a few emails to various people for their contacts.

With locations kind of laid out, we needed to see which was plausible. So we tried to get a few things in order: Insurance, More Information, and Travel.

We reached out to our insurance company, LAMP Insurance, to see if they would cover us in Vancouver, HK and Taiwan. It's funny when China says Taiwan/HK is part of China, but your insurance company has them listed separately. Anyhow, the insurance company was great and worked closely with us to make things work. They said that they would cover us in whichever city we decide to go to. This really put me at ease to just focus on doing what's best for Helen and the baby.

Oligohydramnios-what:
We played more Doc Google, which was a mixed bag. We couldn't gauge the level of danger our baby was in or the seriousness of it. However, after doing some research, it became apparent that we were going to have a pretty serious fight on our hands. That and what Dr. S. said was starting to hit home.

We learned more about Low Amniotic Fluid (a.k.a. Oligohydramnios) during pregnancy. When we first looked at it, it seemed like not that big of a deal because there are a few things that you can do and most of the time the baby turns out healthy. But common problems if the condition isn't address quickly are kidney issues, clubbed feet, some deformities, etc. That made us think of a whole line of questions, we wish no one would ever have to think about. As with any parent, you do everything you can to let your child have every advantage in the world so that they can succeed. However, at what point would you not want to put your child through the suffering of an abnormal life?

Even with these thoughts, we were still pretty optimistic. However, after looking at these cases, we found they mostly applied to babies in the third trimester, 30+ weeks, which was not us. We tried to narrow down the search to cases that fit our profile. In our case, the numbers tell a very different story. 0.8% of babies have Oligohydramnios, but in the 2nd trimester < 10% make it to child birth and of these < 1% are healthy normal babies.

4th and Very Long:
That information was very hard to swallow and all things were going through our head again. Are we lucky enough to be among the 1% that becomes healthy? Is this second opinion purely academic? Or did Dr. S. already know these stats? Is this already a lost cause? Should we just give up? At what point would we? Could we live with ourselves knowing that? If we make it to birth and are not in the healthy 1%, what kind of life will our baby live? Could we see it through such torture/suffering? We had a brief breakdown when faced with the possibilities and afterwards discussed the issues to see where each other stood. We agreed that talking to a specialist before we made any decision would be best. A specialist could best let us know what we’re facing and what our options were.

Re-supply:
It was about 19:00 and it had been a while since we last ate. We took a break to grab dinner. We needed some energy and we needed WiFi. We took a quick ride down to Wudaokou and had dinner at a local café. While eating we were looking at the different options that we had to see a specialist. We were still considering Vancouver or Taiwan and were weighing out the options for either one. We tried to call Vancouver earlier, but it seemed that the MFM department was closed for the evening. So that really just left Taiwan as the most viable option. By this time we got some numbers back from various people and started reaching out to them. We got word that we would get help making an appointment with a specialist at NTUH. With this information we could move ahead with plans, so we needed to head back to the office for some more skyping sessions.

Going Home:
We started looking for different ways to get to Taiwan. It was much easier after we got a hold of my mom and got her help with the travel arrangements. The question now was do we go together or does Helen go first and I join later. After a quick discussion, we decided to go together and we gave the green light on those travel arrangements. We got home pretty late after making all the arrangements. We packed our bags and were off to the airport about 2 hours later.

Tuesday 09.16.2008
The trip itself was uneventful; we made it to Taiwan after about a hour+ delay in HK. We tried to get some sleep on the plane when we could, but it was difficult because of all the things that run through your head. You're thinking about the situation, best-case scenarios, worst-case scenarios, what you would do in each situation. Trying to make the most logical and best decision based on the situation and the information you have. Then you pass some kids and a toy store at the airport, and your mind wonders to what should've been. That clear vision that you had not more than a day ago, gone, and you have a huge void in your chest. An emptiness that can’t be filled and all you can do then is to rely on each other to get through it.

Presidential Treatment:
When we arrived in Taiwan, around 16:00, we headed straight for the NTUH. We got a little lost on the way to the hospital, but we eventually found the right complex and ward. The queue at this hospital works similar to a deli queue. Our aunt had already gotten a ticket for us at noon and it read "1". When we entered the waiting area, they were already at 52 and there was about 10 people waiting in line. Normally if you are late, they will make you wait a few numbers before taking you. Luckily our uncle left instruction for us so we said a few key words to the attendant and magically were next on the list to see Dr. H. Our family told us that we were in good hands; Taiwan's former president and his family members used this guy.

Do Not Pass Go:
It was 17:00 local time. We met with Dr. H. for about 15 minutes and then went to the ultrasound room. In the examination room, they examined the baby/womb carefully. From this exam we got more information. They pointed out: 1) Heart with heart beat 2) No Amniotic fluid, 3) The unknown cyst in the baby's abdomen was actually moving, so the mass could possibly be from a ruptured intestine probably due to some blockage in the digestive track, 4) Missing/Un-identifiable organs 5) Deformed Skull (From lack of fluid). After the exam we met back up with the doctor for some more details.

The prognosis wasn't very favorable. He said that the rupture happened recently, as the liquid had not solidified yet. The baby doesn't have room to grow properly because of the lack of amniotic fluids and therefore its arms and legs would be severely deformed. There are missing organs. If we continued with the pregnancy, it was unlikely things would get better. The only thing that was really keeping the baby alive was the umbilical cord. If we were to continue the baby would have a very, very low chance of survival outside of the womb, and would under go many hardships. Our hearts sank with each word and the truth of the situation became clear. He offered us tissues as he spoke and talked about what we should do next.

He suggested that we terminate the pregnancy within a week. He didn't want the rupture or the passing of the baby to produce any toxins that were harmful to Helen. He suggested a more natural method for termination, which would give us the best chance on having more children. He gave us a doctor's note and gave us sometime to think. He said we could come back to NTUH when we've made up our minds but recommended that we make a decision soon.

We took a moment outside to cry.

A Goodnight Sleep:
We went to my Da Gu's house for another long night. Again many things went through our head, like should we get a third consult? Do we keep getting consults until one person says that everything is okay, there is still hope? At which point would we decide that it was enough? Is this acceptable?

The realization of the life lost, our child. The fact that we’re saying, “Okay, kill our baby”, the baby that we so much wanted. All our hopes and aspirations, everything that was good in us, the love and care that we provided and wanted to give. To us, our baby was special.

We mourned not being able to hear our baby say "Dad" and "Mom". Not witnessing that first step. Not being there for its first day of school. Our dreams for our baby, our hopes and wishes, Gone. We still didn't know if it was a boy or a girl and why are we still calling the baby IT!

A Long Road Starts With One Step:
Wednesday 09.17.2008
My mom took the first fight out to Taiwan on Monday evening from New York and got into Taiwan at 06:00. She came straight to Da Gu's house and arrived around 08:00. We quickly filled her in on the latest news and then headed to the Hospital to get an appointment for termination. After we got booked, we started the procedure. Dr. H. recommended a procedure that was friendlier to Helen and would cause the least amount of trauma possible. We wanted to ensure that there was a possibility to have kids in the future. The process was to widen Helen's cervix using medication. After the cervix has widened to the correct size, they would induce labor. They first ran some more tests and did a few more ultrasounds to verify the conditions have not changed. Helen was admitted into the hospital and we started the first part of the procedure about 11:30.

We were then wheeled into the maternity ward while we waited for the medication to do its job. The waiting was long. Things started to slow, your mind wonders. You try to get some rest, but there's still so much that you need to do. We made the best of the situation and took a break, had some rest and then the miracle of 802.11, we were online. We took the opportunity to get back in sync and fill in some people as to what the latest news was. The nurses made a comment that it was the first time they saw the IV rig being used in such an artistic way.

As the day rolled on we had many visitors. Family and friends that we haven't seen in a long time that help warmed the room and made us feel good. It was the first time in a while that we could just talk and talk about other things than what we were here for. We shared stories of our youth; our lives and we laughed and wept.

Contemplating the moment:
After the visitors left, we tried to get some rest, but it was another long night. We were contemplating how it was going to go down and what we were going to do with our baby. How do you end someone's life, more so your own flesh and blood? Is it in pain? Can we hold the baby when it comes out? Should I cut the cord? We don't want it to die alone; we still so much want to be with it. We're not sure if we can bear to let go.

Waiting:
Thursday 09.18.2008
The morning started early. The nurses came in through out the night to add more medication and check up on Helen's condition. Helen was in some discomfort and pain. It seemed the medication was working it's course and today would be the day. Around 08:00, we were carted from the ward back into the maternity/delivery area. The doctor took a look and seemed that we needed some more medication and time before we could proceed. So they gave Helen some more medication and we wait. I figure it's a good time to try to catch up on some work and get my mind off of things.

At about 15:00 we are moved into a private room. 15:15 they start the feed that will make Helen go into labor. It's just a matter of time now. It's 17:30, and there's not much change. They up the dosage from 8.0 to 12.0, and we wait. At 18:50, 12.0 to 16.0, 21:05 upped from 16.0 to 20.0 and, 22:15 upped to 25.0.

Audible:
Friday 09.19.2008
The dosage is up to 30.0 now and still nothing. 10:10 upped to 40.0, maximum recommended dosage. The nurses came in to check up on Helen every so often, with no change. At 15:30, Dr. H comes in to check up on us. It's apparent that after 24 hours the medication isn't working like they had hoped and we are now considering waiting another day to see if conditions change or moving forward with another option.

16:50 we tell the doctor's that we're ready to begin option B. They come in shortly after and take Helen to the operating room. They tell me I can't come and to wait in our room. So I sit and I wait. 17:01.... 17:06.... I thought time moved slow before, now it's barely moving forward. I don't know what's going on. 17:10, I'm wondering how Helen is holding up. I need to know.

They said option B would be to insert a balloon into her cervix and fill it up with liquid. Then create a force to pull the balloon out. This will help the cervix expand to the correct size over the next several hours to allow the baby to be born. They said the procedure should take about 15 minutes; it's 17:20. It seems like an hour has passed. 17:27 the nurse comes in and calls me out to help her and scuttles away quickly. I'm wondering what has happened. When I get my sandals on and go outside she's gone. It takes a few minutes to locate her and she leads me to Helen. Thankfully, she just needs my help to cart Helen back into our room.

In Sickness and in Health:
If you wonder why those words are part of your wedding vows, I've got a few good examples. Since Helen's been back, she's been in noticeable discomfort. Seems that she can't hold down any food. After a bite of dinner, everything she ate today came right back out. The contraption they put in Helen seems unreal. It's like a medieval torture device, but they say that it works and is the second best way to open the cervix. So it looks like when medication fails, it's good to know that gravity still works.

Helen's body language is quite different now. She's pale, quiet and in noticeable pain. We are waiting for this contraption to do its thing. Helen is resting and I'm doing my best, watching over her.

I should mention when a contraction occurs Helen is in noticeable pain and when it’s a strong contraction, she’s grimacing.

21:22 - The feeling of the first contraction. She thinks.
21:34 - Another
21:35 - A real contraction?
21:39 - Another contraction...
21:48 - Contraction
21:52 - Contraction
22:04 - Contraction

Helen throws up again.

22:09 - Contraction
22:15 - Contraction
22:23 - Contraction
22:27 - Contraction
22:32 - Contraction
22:39 - Contraction
22:42 - Contraction
22:47 - Contraction
22:50 - Contraction
22:53 - Contraction
22:58 - Contraction
23:01 - Contraction
23:03 - Contraction
23:06 - Contraction
23:12 - Contraction
23:16 - Contraction
23:21 - Contraction
23:25 - Contraction
23:29 - Contraction
23:35 - Contraction
23:38 - Contraction
23:42 - Contraction
23:44 - Contraction
23:49 - Contraction
23:55 - Contraction

Nurse tells us it's going to be like this all night

Saturday 09.20.2008
00:00 - Contraction
00:02 - Contraction
00:04 - Contraction
00:09 - Contraction

Helen throws up.

00:17 - Contraction
00:21 - Contraction
00:29 - Contraction

We fade in and out

02:39 - We call the nurse quickly. Helen was surprised; the ball fell out. Mike was not; Gravity still works.

We go back to sleep and it seems that Helen feels much better.

05:10 - IV upped 45.0
06:40 - IV upped 50.0

We fade in and out

08:34 - Contraction
08:58 - Contraction
09:12 - Contraction
09:14 - Contraction
09:21 - Contraction
09:38 - Contraction
09:50 - IV upped 58.0
10:04 - Contraction
11:10 - IV upped 60.0
11:29 - Contraction
12:03 - Contraction
12:06 - Contraction
12:11 - Contraction
12:13 - Contraction
12:16 - Contraction
12:22 - Contraction
12:28 – Contraction
12:35 - Freedom for Helen till 14:00. Helen takes this opportunity to take a shower.
13:20 - Helen is back on the bed and a new IV is inserted and started from 8.0.
13:36 - Contraction
14:00 - IV upped 16.0
14:31 - IV upped 24.0
14:38 - Contraction
15:06 - IV upped 32.0
16:35 - IV upped 38.0
17:48 - IV upped 45.0
17:59 - Doctor examines Helen and order for 8 sticks of seaweed sticks
18:03 - Contraction
18:35 - Contraction
18:43 - IV upped 50.0
18:49 - Seaweed arrives.
18:53 - Helen goes into the operation room.
19:13 - Helen is back in the room and we are told 4 sticks were used
19:14 - IV upped 60.0
19:22 - IV upped 65.0
19:26 - Contraction Discomfort
20:53 - IV upped 70.0
21:13 - Contraction
21:27 - Contraction
21:33 - Contraction
21:46 - Contraction
21:52 - Contraction
21:55 - Contraction
21:58 - Contraction
22:05 - Contraction
22:11 - Contraction
22:14 - Contraction
22:18 - Contraction
22:23 - Contraction
22:38 - Contraction
22:44 - Contraction
22:49 - Contraction
22:54 - Strong Contraction
22:57 - Strong Contraction

Test Run: We push with each contraction. Nurse says that it's not time yet.

23:00 - Strong Contraction
23:03 - Strong Contraction
23:07 - Strong Contraction
23:11 - Contraction
23:12 - Contraction
23:13 - Strong Contraction
23:17 - Contraction
23:19 - Contraction
23:22 - Contraction
23:25 - Contraction
23:27 - Contraction
23:35 - Contraction
23:37 - Strong Contraction
23:40 - Strong Contraction
23:44 - Contraction
23:46 - Contraction
23:47 - Contraction
23:49 - Strong Contraction
23:52 - Contraction
23:53 - Strong Contraction
23:57 - Contraction

Sunday 09.21.2008
00:01 - Strong Contraction
00:06 - Strong Contraction
00:09 - Strong Contraction
00:13 - Contraction
00:16 - Strong Contraction
00:18 - Strong Contraction
00:19 - Strong Contraction
00:23 - Strong Contraction
00:25 - Contraction
00:27 - Strong Contraction
00:30 - Strong Contraction
00:33 - Strong Contraction
00:36 - Strong Contraction
00:38 - Strong Contraction
00:40 - Contraction
00:43 - Strong Contraction
00:51 - Contraction
00:55 - Strong Contraction
01:03 - Contraction
01:05 - Strong Contraction
01:11 - Strong Contraction
01:14 - Strong Contraction
01:20 - Strong Contraction
01:23 - Contraction
01:24 - Contraction
01:26 - Contraction
01:28 - Strong Contraction
01:30 - Contraction
01:31 - Contraction
01:33 - Strong Contraction
01:35 - Contraction
01:41 - Strong Contraction
01:44 - Strong Contraction
01:46 - Contraction
01:48 - Strong Contraction
01:50 - Contraction
01:51 - Strong Contraction
01:53 - Strong Contraction
01:58 - Strong Contraction
02:00 - Strong Contraction
02:02 - Strong Contraction
02:04 - Strong Contraction
02:06 - Strong Contraction

Mike fades out, and Mom steps in.

02:10 - Strong Contraction
02:14 - Strong Contraction
02:15 - Contraction
02:17 - Strong Contraction
02:22 - Contraction
02:25 - Contraction

Helen is exhausted and falls asleep between 2:35 and 3:20

03:26 - Strong Contraction
03:39 - Strong Contraction
03:41 - Strong Contraction
03:45 - Strong Contraction
03:48 - Contraction
03:49 - Strong Contraction
03:55 - Contraction
03:58 - Strong Contraction
04:01 - Strong Contraction
04:04 - Strong Contraction
04:08 - Strong Contraction
04:16 - Strong Contraction
04:18 - Contraction
04:21 - Strong Contraction
04:23 - Strong Contraction
04:31 - Strong Contraction
04:34 - Contraction

No more ink.

05:00 - Throws up
06:10 - Pushing. Helen is in excruciating pain. There's nothing I can do to comfort her except hold her hand and tell her to breathe. Her body is wrenching in pain, twisting and turning. Her facial expression isn’t much better.
06:44 - It’s quiet. Between Helen’s legs lie the placenta, umbilical cord, and baby, which is still in the sac. I look at it closely and it’s not alive.
06:45 - Helen is wheeled away.

We pack up and move to the waiting area.

07:40 - We are called into the operating waiting area where we see Helen again. She's lying on a bed and she seems well. A few minutes later we get another look at our baby and he's beautiful. He's laying there, all 370g of him, on his side, almost like he's suckling his thumb, he's so small and fragile, and his face is so cute. Helen and I hold each other's hands and we weep.

And just like that, it’s over.

We wheel Helen into a waiting area and the recovering process begins.

A Cause for Celebration:
Some would say that Helen and I became parents for the first time on September 21, 2008 at 06:44 and then promptly lost our child. However, I think we became parents much earlier than that.

Daniel D. Shyu
05.12.2008 - 09.21.2008 06:44
Born and passed away in Taipei, Taiwan.

Even though many of you never met Daniel; he touched our lives so much. Daniel made Helen and I better people. We changed our lifestyle, ate healthier, exercised more, and spent more time together. Dad played Guitar Hero while Mom would sing. We read stories to Daniel, Helen hummed lullabies, we played games on mommy's tummy, and we talked about our dreams and wishes.

Daniel was only with us for 20 weeks, and known to most of you for 8 weeks. In that short period of time Daniel accomplished a lot. Daniel brought our family and friends closer together. Daniel showed Helen and I another level of love, a stronger love for each other and for him.

Daniel helped start our family, and showed us the joys of parenthood. We will remember Daniel for what he has accomplished and how he has touched our lives. We will miss you Daniel, but you will forever be in our mind and hearts. We look forward to that day when we can meet Daniel again. In this lifetime or the next.

We celebrate the precious time we had together.